


The Big Gay Armageddon Road Trip

by ShortCryptid



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angel Wings, Angel/Demon Relationship, Angels, Angels are Dicks (Supernatural), Angels speak in Shakespeare, Angst, Antichrist, Armageddon, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, Blood and Violence, Demonic Possession, Demons, Demons Are Assholes, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Genderless Angels (Supernatural), Hell, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Possible Character Death, Possible smut, Road Trips, The Big Gay Armageddon Road Trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27801433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShortCryptid/pseuds/ShortCryptid
Summary: The angel of death and two demons lose a bloodthirsty, murderous antichrist and go on a road trip to go find it.That's the plot.
Relationships: Original Character & Original Character, Original Character(s)/Original Character(s), Original Character/Original Character/Original Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	1. Angels Have Weird Accents

It all began in a bar. This particular bar was located in Hell. Inside, two demons were bored.

The first demon, who happened to be a musician for the said bar, was tall and rail-thin. He was made up of sharp angles, and it suited him well. His skin was so pale that it was nearly a lifeless grey. His eyes were cunning and mismatched. His right eye was a cold icy blue, while the left one was a bright cherry red. Atop his head was a curly mop of black hair. While the sides and back of his head were cut nearly to the scalp, the curly top was long enough to obscure the vision of his right eye. Amidst the unruly curls sat a pair of long crooked black ibex horns. He wore a crisp white dress shirt with a black waistcoat over it, along with those he wore dark dress pants and black shoes to match them. His name was Crow.  
Juno, the other demon, was tall as well, but not quite as tall as her counterpart. She was rather muscular as well. She had dark skin which was dotted with freckles. Her hair was curly and a blood-red colour and that reached down to the small of her back. The right side of her hair was shaved. Protruding from the sides of her head were a pair of chipped ram horns. Her eyes were a beautiful golden colour with snake-like pupils. She wore a dark grey dress shirt along with a dark tie around her neck. The sleeves of her shirt were rolled up and revealed long jagged scars that ran down them. She wore dark pants and even dark shoes. She was a bodyguard for the bar, meant to break up fights between demons (which she constantly didn’t, deciding that she’d rather watch them fight).  
“I’m bored!” Crow moaned, dramatically splayed over his piano, his lanky limbs hanging over the edge.  
“Well then do something about it,” Juno said without looking up from the glass she was cleaning at the bar. “It’s not my job to keep you entertained.”  
“But you’re my friend!” the dark-haired demon complained.  
The she-demon looked up and smirked. “Like I said; not my problem, dude.”  
“Hell is so boring!” Crow whined again, ignoring Juno. He slid off the piano and onto the floor. “It used to be interesting here!” he was correct. Hell did get a bit tedious after the first few millennia. Same demons, same condemned souls, and the same bar fights.  
Juno leaned over the bar to look down at her friend. “I guess we could go torture someone,” she proposed. Torturing the damned was something that the pair rather enjoyed doing together. It was how they had met in the first place.  
At the suggestion, the demon shot up from the floor and gracefully onto his feet. “Are you going to come with?” he asked, his mismatched eyes glinting brightly as he grinned a smile full of razor-sharp teeth.  
She shrugged, standing up straight. “I’m not doing anything at the moment,” she sighed. “Sure, why not,” she concluded after a moment of debating.  
The pair made their way to the front door of the bar and opened it. They stepped out into the hot stuffy air of Hell. Ash rained down from the dark void above them that was considered a sky. Juno groaned, uselessly brushing the soot off her shoulders, only more to fall back on. “Have I ever told you how much I hate it here?” Crow asked, doing the same as Juno.  
“Yes. Yes, you have.” Juno glared at him. “Many, many times.”  
“Well, I’ll tell you again.” he retorted.  
Hell, despite what many humans Up-Top said, was not a red blazing torture pit. While the torture pit part was kind of correct, the red blazing mess part was not. Hell was a gloomy place, with a sparse amount of flames around. It had walls the size of the tallest buildings. Those walls were actually not walls, they were filing cabinets. Filing cabinets full with information on the endless stream of doomed souls in Hell. The screams of said doomed souls echoed off of the walls all day every day. There is no ceiling out there, so there’s nowhere to protect you from the falling ash unless you went inside. The air was so thick and suffocating that it was hard to breathe, not that demons needed to breathe. Hell was dictated by the devil, Lucifer, but no one’s seen him in aeons. Only the highest-ranking demons were able to speak with him. And even they were unable to see him in person.  
As the two demons made their way to the heart of Hell, where most of the souls were held, they walked past The Pit. The Pit was, as it was called, a very deep and large hole in the ground that damned humans entered through. Any time a damned human died, they’d fall into The Pit. The Pit is also the only way in and out of Hell. Though, people rarely get out because The Pit is so damn big that you’d fall before you even got up halfway. One of Juno and Crow’s favourite pastimes is to watch the souls as they climb over each other as they attempt to climb back out. Even if they were able to climb out, they wouldn’t have a body. Their bodies are long dead and either six feet under, or burnt to ashes. They’d either be stuck as ‘ghosts’, wandering the earth for eternity, or they’d have to take over someone else’s body.  
The Pit is only emptied every one hundred years, so if you’re in there, you’re going to be in there for a long while. Sure, Juno and Crow could empty it themselves, but that would ruin the fun. It would also make them appear nice, and unfortunately, demons are not nice.  
After a few more minutes of walking, they made it the centre of Hell, where the cries and screams were the loudest. It was a colossal room, covered almost entirely with doors of all sorts of shapes and colours. Each door was a ‘Torture Room’. A torture room contained a condemned soul. Any demon could come in and out as they pleased, the humans could not.  
“Come on, let’s find an empty room,” Juno said, her golden eyes skimming over the doors. Every time a demon entered a room, they were obligated to sign in to let others know that the room was occupied.  
On each door was a file attached to it. These were files that were taken from the cabinet-walls outside. Inside each file, it held the general information on the humans inside, but most importantly; they held what the human’s greatest fear was. The two demons had found some fascinating fears over all of the years they’d been in Hell. Some of Crow’s favourites were; anthophobia, ephebiphobia, koumpounophobia, genuphobia, octophobia, and venustraphobia.  
“Hey, this one’s empty,” Crow pointed out to Juno.  
The she-demon stalked over to where Crow stood and grabbed the file to the unoccupied door. She immediately rolled her eyes. “Really?” she groaned. “Coulrophobia?”  
Crow frowned, peering over her shoulder to look at the file too. “Clowns? Again?” he glared at the door in exasperation. “I thought we were looking for something interesting. Not boring.”  
She placed the file back on the door and continued to search.   
Behind her, Crow grumbled, “If I have to dress up as a clown one more time this month, I’m going to kill somebody.”  
Juno snorted and glanced back at him. “Remember that one time when you had to dress in drag for that one soul?” she said, snarkily.  
Crow groaned. “I thought that we agreed to never talk about that again!”  
Juno’s smile grew even wider. “Come on, Crow. We demons aren’t known for our honesty, are we?”  
“Oh, look at this one!” Crow exclaimed, changing the subject. “Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia! Haven’t seen one of these in a long while!”  
Juno simply raised her eyebrows at him, thoroughly unimpressed. “What do you plan to do? Read a dictionary to them?”  
“Come on, Junie, don’t pretend it wasn’t fun the first few times.”  
“It got old fast,” she insisted. “Especially when you wouldn’t let me read the dictionary!”  
Crow pointed accusingly at his friend. “I thought that you said books were for losers!” he teased.  
That was partially true, though. Hell did have books, but a very limited variety of them. Some of the books they had were; a multitude of dictionaries, ‘I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream’, ‘American Psycho’, ‘The Wasp Factory’, and, of course, ‘Dante’s Inferno’. Not the most uplifting array of literature.  
Juno glared back at him. “And I thought I told you to stop calling me ‘Junie’.”  
Crow raised his eyebrows at her. “Well, I lied.” he simply said, before smirking at her. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it, Junie,~” he sing-songed at her.  
She disregarded her friend’s jabs and went back to searching the files. “There’s gotta be something interesting here,” she said.  
Juno saw Crow shrug out of the corner of her vision. “All of the exciting ones are probably already taken,” he said. “It wouldn’t shock me,” he admitted. “We got here pretty late.”  
“There has to be something left,” Juno persisted, running her hand through her knotted red hair.

It didn’t take them long to get through every file for every unoccupied door. Much to their chagrin, all of the doors were full of people with some of the most general fears you could think of, which was unquestionably dull. At the moment, the two demons were slumped against the wall. “I guess we could wait for tomorrow,” Juno said after a minute of silence. “They’ll replace the souls.” One of the jobs for the higher-ranking demons was to rotate the souls in the doors daily so that everyone gets tortured. The souls that weren’t being tortured were either shoved in the cabinet-walls or dumped back into The Pit with the newcomers like some kind of welcoming party. The problem was that there weren’t many time-telling devices in Hell, so it was nearly impossible to try and figure out what the damn time was.  
“That might take a long time,” Crow brought up.  
“But it could also only take a few minutes,” Juno reasoned. “You could try and make them do it early,” she suggested.  
Some demons had unique abilities. These abilities occur when an angel falls from Heaven and becomes a demon, but can retain some of their former angelic powers. Crow was one of those demons. Crow could force someone to do anything he wanted them to do, as long as he maintained eye contact with them. Unfortunately, Crow was rather notorious for using it, so it’s highly unlikely that any higher-ups would fall for it.  
“I don’t think that would work,” he slumped further down the wall. “Only the higher-ups were allowed to rotate the souls, and they sure as Hell won’t fall for my trick. I’ve already duped them enough times to get myself on a blacklist.”  
“You could try it anyway,” she said. “It would help with the boredom.”  
Crow shrugged and got up, popping his spine in the process. “Alright,” he said, “Let’s go then.”  
Juno raised her eyebrows at him as she got up as well. “Wait, really?” she grinned. “I thought for sure you’d pussy out.”  
Crow rolled his eyes at her. “Yeah, no. Of course, I’m going to do it.” he smiled back at her, “What are they going to do about it? Kill me?”  
Both of the demons promptly broke out into cackling laughter at the mere thought of death. It was essentially impossible to kill a demon for good. Sure, you could ‘kill’ one, but they’d just reform in The Pit after a few days. And unlike humans, demons are very capable of getting out of it. The only ones capable of destroying a demon for good are angels and the Devil. Crow full-heartedly believed that the Devil himself won’t get his panties in a twist over a low levelled demon fooling around a bit. Sure, an angel could come on down and smite his arse, but they very seldom visited Hell.  
The duo exited the torture pit and went back into the ashy corridors. “The high levelled bastards are probably up a few levels,” Crow commented. “We’ll have to take the escalator up.”  
Juno groaned at the mere mention of the escalator. The escalator was precisely what one would envision an escalator from Hell to be like. Slow. Overcrowded. Turbulent. And very unnecessarily long. “I fucking loathe that thing,” she complained. “Why can’t They replace it? Just because we’re in Hell doesn’t mean we should be tortured as well!”  
Crow grimaced. “Would you rather have an escalator or a lift?”  
Juno almost physically recoiled at the thought of being squished in a tiny claustrophobic metal box, overflowing with sweaty demons while suspended hundreds of feet in the air. “Yeah, I’d take the escalator over a lift,” she said immediately.  
“Don’t give Them any ideas, Junie,” he replied as the escalator came into view. As she had imagined, the escalator was crowded with many other demons trying to get up a level. Juno let out a sigh of resignation as the two demons stepped onto the escalator.

After an excruciating two hours, they finally reached their destination. “I am never riding that thing again,” Juno promised herself. “I’d much rather jump off the edge and fall a few hundred feet.”  
Crow snorted beside her. “That would hurt like a bitch,” he said, glancing over the unrailed edge.  
Juno looked at the drop as well. “The pain would be worth it.”  
Crow rolled his mismatched eyes and jabbed his elbow into her rib in response. They walked down the long dark hallway towards the department in charge of the rotation of the souls. At the end of the corridor, was a large black door.  
“Fuck me!” Crow groaned as he tried to pull open the door, only to find out that it’s locked with a keypad.  
“Maybe later,” Juno quipped before squatting down in front of the lock. “There are only nine numbers,” she observed. “I guess we could try all of them until it works.”  
Crow scrunched up his nose in thought. “Try 6-6-6. Very popular combination.”  
Juno shook her head. “It’s a four-digit code. Also, that would be a very bad passcode.”  
He scratched his neck. “6-9-6-9?” he offered.  
She frowned slightly before squinting at the keypad. “Maybe?” she said, punching it in. Unfortunately, the door didn’t open.  
“Aww come on,” Crow whined. “That would’ve been hilarious!”  
Juno’s eyes brightened. “8-0-0-8!” she cackled.  
Crow’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”  
She didn’t answer him, instead, typing in the combo. “Damn it!” she yelled when the door didn’t budge.  
“8-0-0-8?” Crow repeated, still confused.  
“It spells boobs, dumbass,” she replied bitterly.  
Crow’s features lit up at the explanation. “Ohhh,” They sit there for a minute trying to come up with more ‘clever’ combos. “You could try 1-2-3-4,” Crow eventually suggested.  
Juno stared at him for a long moment. “That can’t be it, can it?”  
Crow smirked. “Well, there’s only one way to find out,”  
Both demons held in the breaths that they didn’t need as she punched the code into the keypad. To both of their immense surprise, as she pressed enter, the large door swung open. “Really?” she asked. “Really?” she repeated herself as she stared at the now open door.  
“Really,” Crow repeated cheekily.  
The two demons silently sneaked into the room. Like many of the other rooms of Hell, the walls were covered in files and cabinets. Surprisingly, there was a single slock hanging on the wall. Juno’s eyes widened and she moved towards it. “Really?!” she shouted after a moment.  
“What?” Crow asked, turning to look at the clock as well.  
“It’s broken,” she said.  
Crow shook his head sadly. “We will never know what time it is,”  
As Juno continued to stare at the broken clock as though her sheer will would fix it, Crow let out a startled yelp behind her. She whipped around only to be yanked forwards and pinned against the wall next to Crow. Pinning them against the wall was a short she-demon. She had relatively pale skin and long auburn hair that was tight against the back of her head in a big bun. “You two are late!” she barked at them. Before either of them could say anything, the short demon continued. “And you’re not even in uniform!”  
Juno paled slightly and opened her mouth in an attempt to tell the she-demon that her and Crow did not work here and that she had no idea what she was going on about, but she was interrupted by Crow elbowing her gently in the side, frantically shaking his head as if to say ‘shut the fuck up,’. Instead, she said; “S-Sorry, ma’am.”  
The short demon sneered up at them “You two don’t have time to change,” she jabbed her finger harshly in Crow’s chest before removing it and jabbing it at a door. “Just get in there!”  
“What-” Crow began, only for the demon to slam her fist into the space between Juno and his heads, causing the metal of the wall to dent. “I specifically told you all not to embarrass me today!” she was practically screaming at them now. “I told you pratts that an angel and a dangerous human are coming today!”  
Crow’s pale skin became even paler somehow. Angels rarely came down to deliver humans to Hell themselves. If an angel was coming down to deliver a human personally, then that human must’ve done some deranged shit. This, Crow realised, was really, really bad. “Ma’am-” he began, only to be cut off again.  
“I don’t want any excuses!” she spat onto their faces as she threw her tantrum. “Just get in there!” she grabbed both of them by the collar of their shirts and dragged them towards the door she had pointed at earlier. Juno looked like she was a minute away from attempted murder, while Crow had a look on his face that said he was prepared for his unfortunate demise. She kicked the door open and pulled them inside with her.  
Before Juno or Crow could fully take in the room, a bright blinding light blazed from the ceiling. Crow threw his arm over his eyes to protect his vision while Juno looked away. A bright figure with large white wings and covered from head to toe with blazing eyes emerged from the light. Behind the figure was what looked like a human tied in way too many chains. The glowing bright figure landed gracefully in front of them, the human landing harshly on their side behind it.  
The figure, which was definitely an angel, stared at the three demons in front of them. If the angel had any facial features aside from eyes, it was almost certain that a look of uncaring apathy would be on it. “I has't hath brought the damn'd one.” the voice came from everywhere.  
“Can you turn yourself down a bit?” Juno shouted out through clenched teeth in a small burst of courage.  
The angel had a confused look on zir face, from what they could tell from the multitude of eyes. After a moment a look of realisation came over zir eyes. “V'ry well.”  
The bright light emanating from zir dimmed enough that Juno could look and Crow uncovered his eyes. In between them, the short she-demon got on her knees and bowed deeply. “My Angel,” she said.  
The angel’s eyes furrowed at the display. “Receiveth up foul one,” ze said.  
At that, the demon scrambled onto her feet, her face terrified.  
Crow broke out of his stupor first. “Why are you talking like that?”  
Juno nearly choked as the angel zeroed zir vision on Crow. All eyes a piercing blue. This was an angel. Ze could smite them in the blink of an eye! Juno loved violence, but she was not an idiot.  
“What art thee talking about, foul beast? I am speaking n'rmally.” the angel replied, the confusion evident in zir voice.  
Crow tried to hold in a snort. “T-the way you’re speaking!” he gave up and began cackling. “You sound like an old man!”  
“I still doth not und'rstand. What doth thee cullionly I' sound liketh a fusty sir?” the angel asked again, sounding even more confused.  
“Shut up!” the short demon in between them whisper-yelled.  
Crow raised his hands in the air in surrender, backing away from zir. “Geez, sorry, don’t smite me!”  
“You brought a soul?” Juno spoke up, changing the subject.  
The angel turned to Juno. “Nay. I has't not hath brought a soul. I has't hath brought the corse as well.” ze said, gesturing to the human with one of zir many arms. “The human is not dead yet.” ze clarified.   
The three demons turned to look at the human. Now that they looked closer, the human did indeed still have its body.  
“I needeth thee to gaze t f'r me.” the angel continued. “I needeth thee to taketh me to thy sup'ri'r. I might not but speaketh with those folk urgently” ze finished.  
The short demon nodded frantically at the tall angel. “Yes, Yes!” she said, gesturing towards the door. “I will bring you to them!” she then pointed at Juno and Crow. “These two will watch the human.”  
Juno and Crow shared a silent look before turning towards the chained up human.  
The angel nodded uncertainly. “Alloweth not t leaveth thy sight. This human is v'ry deadly.”  
“Sure,” Juno simply replied, still looking at the human.  
And with that, the short demon clumsily scrambled to the large metal door and opened it for the angel before following zir out, leaving Juno and Crow alone in the room with the human.  
Once they left, Crow turned to Juno and immediately burst out in laughter. “Junie! Did you hear zir accent?!”  
“Yes!” Juno cackled. “It took everything in me to not laugh at zir voice!”  
Crow braced himself on his knees. “I’m surprised you didn’t!”  
“Me too,” Juno agreed.  
Crow turned his attention towards the human. “I can’t believe we’re here,” he said.  
“I know,” Juno agreed. “We don’t even work here.”  
He smiled at her. “Well, the good thing is that I am no longer bored.”  
Juno smirked at him before stalking towards the human. “I’ve never seen a living human before,” she slowly circled the bound human. “Only seen their souls.”  
Crow nodded. “The living ones look more… corporal.”  
Juno’s nose wrinkled. “And fleshy. Never seen a fleshy soul before.”  
“Souls aren’t fleshy,” Crow replied.  
Juno looked up and glared. “I know that. I’m not stupid.”  
Humans and their souls look very different from each other. Souls were like vaguely human-shaped balls of light. They didn’t have any facial features, but they could still scream. They had arms and legs but didn’t need them as souls floated rather than stood.  
Human shells didn’t look all too different from demons. Except they’re boring. Humans are very boring. Their hair colours came in a very short list of verities (though, there had been some humans with colourful hair. They call it ‘hair dye’). Their eyes weren’t much different. Their pupils were almost always a very dull and bland circle.  
Like many humans before it, the human standing before them was boring. It had short blonde hair, dull brown eyes, and pale pink skin. Though, slightly less boring was its clothes. They were covered head to toe in blood. Its hands that were bound tightly behind its back were also the deep red colour.  
Juno cleared her throat to try and get the human’s attention. “Hey, kid,” she said. Juno was ignored. “What’s with all the blood? Didja kill someone? Some someones?” she tried again to no avail.  
Crow joined in. “What’s your name?”  
Once again, no answer. It just stood there and stared blankly and nothing.  
Juno crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s not going to respond,” she stated the obvious.  
Crow stood in front of the human and snapped his fingers in its face. “Hey!” he called. He snapped again a few times before giving up. Crow moved to the human’s side and stared at the same spot it was looking at.  
“What are you doing?” Juno asked.  
“Trying to see what it’s staring at,” Crow responded, staring into the vast nothingness.  
Juno frowned and began circling again. “What do you think it did?”  
Crow tore his gaze away from the void and looked the human up and down. “Well, it obviously killed something.”  
“It looks pretty young,” Juno pointed out.  
Crow nodded. “It does. It’s not fully grown, but it’s not a child either.” Crow frowned at the, apparently, young human. “Maybe we’d know if it said anything,” he muttered, his frown turning into a petulant pout.  
Juno completely turned her gaze away from the human, examining her fingernails with a bored expression on her face. “Stop trying to talk with it. It’s not going to answer.”  
Crow followed Juno’s example and stopped his circling. He sighed heavily and leaned against the nearest wall. “Welp, I’m bored again,” he said.  
Juno didn’t answer him this time. Instead, content with watching the human as it stood silently.  
“Not even going to respond, huh?” Crow said, mostly to himself.  
“Mmmhm,” Juno hummed.  
“That’s a response,” Crow pointed out.  
Juno opened her mouth to say something back, but thought better and shut it.  
It was going to be a very long and very boring time waiting for the angel to come back.

When the angel did come back, Juno was still silently watching and Crow was almost in tears he was so bored. “I'm surprised,” the angel said, zir non-existent eyebrows probably raised. “Thee two hath kept an eye on the human.”  
Juno raised an unimpressed eyebrow at zir. “What else were we supposed to do? If we left you’d probably smite us. Also, not like there’s much else to do in here.”  
“I began to count the cracks on the ceiling,” Crow said, gazing at the ceiling with a glazed look to his heterochromatic eyes. “I’ve counted 102,749 so far,” he said.  
“Wait, really?” Juno asked. “You’ve got the attention span of a toddler.” she pointed out.  
Crow gave her the stink eye before the angel continued. “Grabeth the human's chains and followeth me,” ze ordered, giving no room for objections.  
Juno shrugged and picked up a handful of chains.   
Crow essentially threw himself off of the wall he was leaned on and grasped greedily at stray chains. The doors of the room swung open as the angel looked at them. He left the room, as the two demons hurried after zir, dragging the human along with. After a few silent moments of walking, Crow spoke up. “Uh,” he began. “What’s your name? I’ve just been calling you ‘Angel Dude’ in my head.”  
The eyes on the back of the angel’s body glared at Crow. “If 't be true thee wilt knoweth, mine own nameth is Azrael.”  
Juno’s eyebrows shot up to her fiery hairline. “Huh, death itself brings a human down to Hell. What a day it’s been,” she said wistfully.  
Crow gaped in astonishment at the angel of death. “What did the human even do to bring you down here? To be honest, I expected a lower-levelled angel.”  
All of Azrael’s eyes turned to the human in chains, who was now openly glaring at the angel. “This human,” ze started, “Is the antichrist.”  
Crow snorted, glancing at the supposed antichrist. “Someone really fucked Satan?”  
Juno smacked him on the back of the head. “Shut up,” she hissed. “Anyone could be listening.”  
Azrael ignored both demons, favouring glaring at the antichrist.  
“Does…” Crow began. “Does it have a name?”  
“Yes,” Azrael answered curtly. “T doest has't a nameth. I refuseth to agnize t.”  
The antichrist trailing behind them grunted. Crow jumped and grabbed onto Juno’s arm in shock. “It made a noise!”  
“Yeah, humans do that,” Juno said.  
“I know!” he groaned. “It’s just that it's been silent all day. It startled me!”  
A pointed smile appeared on Juno’s face. “A mere human, scaring Crow the demon,”  
Crow let go of Juno’s arm. “That’s not a mere human!” he waved his arms dramatically at the chained up human. “That’s the antichrist! I don’t know what kind of weird satanic powers it may or may not possess, but I don’t want to find out!”  
“W'rry not. The chains on the... human restrict its pow'rs. T cannot harmeth thee.”  
Now that the demons looked closer, there were, indeed, charms in Enochian on the chains. They could only assume it was anti-magic charms, as neither of them understood Encochain anymore. Crow trailed his pale, slender finger on a chain closest to the antichrist’s chest only to let out a hiss of pain when it touched the Enochian. Azrael quickly pulled Crow’s hand away from the chain with one of zir many, many arms. “Toucheth not yond,” ze cautioned. “T's holy charm.”  
“T-thanks,” Crow said, staring at Azrael’s hand holding his. “I didn’t think angels cared much about demons.”  
Sadly, Azrael let go. “I am on neith'r side. I am a neutral party. Death doth take nay sides”  
Crow shrugged. “Well, thanks anyway.”  
Juno chuckled beside them. “The last angel I saw smote every demon ze came across.” she smiled wistfully. “Good times.”  
“Angels shouldst not smiteth without reasoneth.” Azrael sighed.  
Juno scoffed. “Try telling that to them. Feathered-arses,” she muttered the last part under her breath.  
Some of Azrael’s eyes narrowed. “What wast yond?”  
“Oh! Not you!” she said quickly. “You’re cool,” she finished awkwardly.  
Azrael looked at Juno for a moment. “... thanks.”  
“Does Satan know that we have his child?” Juno asked about uncertainty.  
“Wherefore of course. That gent's the one who is't 'rd'r'd t in the first lodging.”  
Juno blinked. “I have no clue what you just said, but I’m going to take that as a yes.”  
Crow looked back at the antichrist again. “Where are we taking it anyway?” he asked curiously.  
“The Pit,” Azrael said.  
“Are you going to throw it in the others?” Juno said, eyeing the antichrist suspiciously. “Isn’t this thing supposed to be much more powerful than average humans? What if it gets out.” she pointed out.  
Azrael shook zir head. “As longeth as t wears the chains, it’s pow'rless.”  
Juno didn’t look convinced. “Why are you being so talkative, anyway?” she asked instead.  
“Yeah,” Crow agreed. “It’s a bit weird for an angel to have a conversation with demons. You guys are normally like…” he paused for a moment before dramatically lowering his voice “Die, bastards! Die!”  
A small chuckled left Azrael’s nonexistent mouth. “I’m not h're f'r petty disputes,” ze said. “As I said before, I am death, I am a neutral party.”  
As the trio turned the corner of dark cabinet-file walls, a bright blazing light could be seen reflecting off of them. “We’re almost there,” Crow remarked. “It usually takes longer.”  
Juno hummed in agreement, glancing around the hallway they were in. “When we left here earlier, it felt like aeons.”  
“Timeth is irrelevant,” Azrael said.  
“Is… is that like an angel thing… or…?” Crow couldn’t remember if angels had time powers or not.  
Juno shrugged. “Does it matter? We’re here early.”

They turned a few more corners and walked down a few more hallways before they finally reached The Pit. They had to cover their ears, as the screaming coming from The Pit was very loud and obnoxious. “We’re here!” Crow tried to shout over the horrified screaming.  
“I can tell!” Azrael said back.  
“Can’t you use your Angel Voice and tell em’ to shut up or something?” Juno grunted, her face twisted in a scowl.  
“Sure,” the angel replied placidly. He cleared his throat and faced the fiery pit. “Humans!” he began, his voice echoing everywhere, inside and out. “Silence yourselves!”  
Surprisingly, it worked. The agonized screams abruptly halted as soon as he finished speaking. “You gotta teach me how to do that,” Juno mumbled, relaxing in the quietness.  
“It’s an angel thing,” Azrael said bluntly. “I v'ry much doubteth yond you’d beest able to doth yond.”  
The antichrist behind them didn’t seem all too bothered about the tortured screams and the big fiery hell pit it was about to be tossed in. In fact, it seemed almost delighted. “I don’t like the look on its face. Why’s it smiling like that?” Crow asked, squinting at the grinning antichrist.  
“It’s probably mad in the head,” Juno supplied. “Best not to question it,”  
A large metal gate blocked the way into The Pit. Two demons stood stationed at the sides of the gate. The one on the left was tall and muscular and covered head-to-toe in blue-ish scales. The one on the right was also tall. They were tanned and had fiery orange hair, which, at a closer look, seemed to be fire.  
“Halt!” The one with the fire hair commanded in a rough deep voice. “State your business!”  
Azrael stepped forward, dragging the antichrist with zir. “I has't hath brought the antichrist,” Ze said.  
The demon covered in scales visibly blanched at the sight of the angel. “Holy shit,” she whimpered.  
“A-Angel,” The fiery one said in shock. “You’re an a-angel,”  
The scaled one immediately got down on her knees, her hands shifting into a praying gesture. “P-please don’t kill us! We’ll do everything you say!” she was nearly hyperventilating.  
Juno smirked at the angel. “Does this happen often?”  
Azrael nodded. “Except f'r yond one,” he gestured towards Crow.  
Juno sighed heavily, a look of jealousy crossing her face. “I wish people cowered in fear at the sight of me,” she pouted slightly.  
“... people do, Juno,” Crow said.  
“Well, they should be more scared.” She said.  
“Y-you guys are with the angel?” The fire-demon said, interrupting Juno and Crow’s chat.  
Juno scoffed. “Yeah. As ze said, we’re here to deliver the antichrist. Let us in.”  
The two demons shakily got onto their feet and scrambled to the gate. They hastily pulled open the gate whilst mumbling incoherent apologies. Crow learned by Juno’s ear “Weirdos…”  
“Total weirdos,” Juno agreed quietly as the two demons practically sobbed as Azrael stepped through the opening. Juno and Crow gave one last look to the quivering guards before walking through the gates as well. “Were we supposed to stay back or follow zir in?” Crow whispered to Juno.  
Juno shrugged. “I dunno,” she said. “Ze didn’t tell us not to.”  
“Yeah, but ze took the antichrist. There isn’t really a reason for us to come with…”  
Juno frowned. “Weren’t you the one that was bored to tears awhile ago?”  
“Yeah, yeah,” Crow brushed her off. “But this could actually kill us,” he said. “Do you think antichrists can kill demons?” he asked.  
“Why would I know?” Juno replied. “This is the first antichrist I’ve ever seen.”  
Crow snorted. “I can understand why,” he began, moving in closer to Juno. “I don’t think Satan gets laid often,” he snickered quietly into her ear, a large smirk covering his pale face.  
Juno let out a snort and then a cackle in response.  
“Thee knoweth I can heareth ev'rything you’re declaring, right?” Azrael said up ahead. “And if 't be true I can heareth t, I’m sure Lucifer can heareth t as well.”  
The two demons immediately ceased their laughter, now an awkward silence.  
“So…” Crow said. “Should we turn back… or…?”  
“I doth not careth about what thee two doth,” Azrael responded, an indifferent tone in many echoey voices.  
“I guess we’ll stick with you then,” Juno said before grabbing Crow’s arm and catching up with the angel and the antichrist.  
The further they walked towards the centre of The Pit, where the screams would’ve been the loudest had Azrael not silenced them, the hotter it got. Had they all been truly human, they’d certainly be on fire. “What do you even plan to do with the antichrist in The Pit?” he practically panted from the heat, his pale flesh covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “You just gonna push it in?”  
“Yes,” Azrael said, seemingly unbothered by the heat, not even a single trickle of sweat on zir tall body.  
“... that’s it?” Juno choked, her long red hair sticking to her forehead from the heat. “You’re just going to toss the antichrist into The Pit?”  
“Well… That… Seems… a bit… anticlimactic,” Crow heaved.  
“What w're thee expecting?”  
“I dunno… maybe some angel-crap?”  
“T wouldst beest a wasteth,” Azrael said, a few of zir eyes glaring at the antichrist.  
“I’d be happy to watch anyone get thrown into The Pit,” Juno said, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “Anyone.”  
“Well, the present day is thy lucky day.” Azrael chirped as they finally reached The Pit. Surprisingly, the humans down in The Pit were still silent.  
Juno crouched down on the ground and peered down the edge at the giant mass of humans, souls, and blood down below. “I’ve never heard them be so quiet before,” she remarked, an impressed look on her face. “As I said before, you have to teach me how to do it. I want to use it on Crow.”  
“Hey-” Crow said indignantly.  
The angel and the demon both ignored him. “I very much bethink not thee'll beest able to doth t…” ze said. “Thou art a demon. I'm an angel.”  
“It’s worth a try anyway,” she persisted.  
“I shall tryeth to teachest you-” Azrael begins, only to be interrupted by Crow.  
“-Guys!” he shouted.  
Juno and Azrael’s heads snap towards him.   
“Guys, we need to throw the antichrist into a fiery pit. Can this wait till later?”  
Juno’s eyes drift to the antichrist and back to Azrael. “Will you come back when this is done?” she asked. A small, almost unnoticeable quiver in her deep voice. She will deny this fact.  
“Ah, aye. Right.” Azrael confirms, turning back to the chained-up antichrist. “I shouldst beest getting on with it.” A few of zir eyes turned back to Juno. “And I shall, belike, beest backeth,” ze added.  
“Belike…?” Juno repeated, scrunching up her face. “What does belike mean?”  
Beside her, Crow shrugged. “I don’t know,” he murmured below his breath. “But,” he said, smiling at Azrael. “If you do come back, I’m going to teach you how to speak properly.”  
“I still und'rstand not what thee cullionly, but I shall indulge thee concluded, be it.”   
Crow reached out and patted Azrael’s shoulder, surprising both of them. “It’s alright, you’ll get there eventually.”  
When Crow finished speaking, Azrael fully directed zir attention to the antichrist, who stood at the edge of The Pit, not looking the least bit frightened, but rather annoyed. Azrael snapped zir fingers and the chains that wrapped around the antichrist’s mouth disintegrated into the air. “Any lasteth w'rds, foul one?”  
The antichrist coughed a few times, clearing its throat before speaking. “You guys are annoying as Hell.” it spat out in a pubescent, voice-crack filled voice. “Do you have any idea how much you guys talk?! I’ve been dragged behind you three for literal hours!” it ranted.   
Juno, Crow, and Azrael shared a silent awkward glance as the antichrist spoke.  
“And now I can finally fucking speak!”   
“Anon th're very much is nay needeth f'r yond kind of language, beast,” Azrael said, glaring at the teenager.  
The antichrist completely ignored the angel. “You guys are so damn stupid.” It continued. “You guys just unchained me. Just like that!”  
Juno frowned. “You’re still chained up,” she said. “Ze just freed your mouth.” she gestured at its mouth.  
The teenager groaned. “You’re stupid too! I thought you were cool!”  
Juno’s eyebrows raised to her hairline before turning to Crow, nudging him in the ribs. “Hey, Crow, the antichrist thought I was cool.”  
Crow smirked, elbowing her right back. “He said he thought you were cool.” he reminded her. “Past tense, Junie,”  
While the two demons bickered, the antichrist began to levitate, much to Azrael’s dismay. “Shit!” ze shouted, startling Juno and Crow.  
“Woah, what the fuck?” Juno said as the Antichrist floated higher, a ring of fire now orbiting it. “Azrael, what’s it doing? How’s it doing that?”  
“I-i'm not sure? t's wearing the chains! those gents shouldst beest stopping t's pow'rs!" ze panicked.  
“Well, they’re obviously not working!” Juno shouted.  
“Obviously!” Azrael snapped back.

“F̴͔̫̒͒͝l̴̙̘̜̮͕̖͍̲̲͖̜͂̈́̏͝o̶̡̨̧͇̗̱͌̃̉̄̓̏̋a̵̘̾̏̈́̾̐̽̿̄͊̕̕͝t̷̨͚͎̙̋̃͊̔̀͊̃̆̽͆͒̕͜,̸̠̥̲̥̝̦͍̥͍̣͈̠̞̔̌̃́̅̈́͊ ̸̨͇̹̬͎̺͔͇̮̦̰̗̼̝̍̊̋̚ͅf̷͓̹͌l̵̨̞̤͔̟̹̳̙͉̟͝o̶̢͔̯̳̬̘̞̮̾̌̉͒̈͝å̶̧̛̦͍̱̩̪͖̘̭͖̿̈́̒̾̉̾t̵̡̝̹͇̯̰̬̹̓̔̽͐́̏͛̈́̈̆̚,̴͕̭͉͖̠̼͎̼͈̦̘̥͐͛̈́͌͌̏͋͘ͅͅ ̸̢͍̥̅̆f̵̢͖̜͙̩̞̅̇̎̒͝ͅl̴̡͖̦͕̘̅̓̈́͛̆͛͛͠ͅo̵̡̰̦͔̦͙̖̗̣̖̖̰͂͝ͅạ̶̦̻̍͆̈́͂̂̔̉͗̑̂͗̂̚͝t̸̡͓̦̞̜̼̜̮̎͊̈́̐̌͜,̸̥̩͊̆́͋͑͆̈́̃ ̶̠̭͍̣̻͕̹͉̪̳̩̦̮̠̲́̚f̴̡̖̙̮̗̤̹̫̜̞̞̩̼͑̇͐̓̈̈́͗͑͘̚͠l̷̡̨̪̲͍̰͓̝̹̖̞̝̱̘̔͛̒͑̎̇̽̋̿͜o̷̢͇͕̓͠ạ̷̭̰̊̓͑́̎͐̇͊̂͌͘̕̕ṱ̴̢͍̳̻͈̗̠̟͉̱̇̔͐̇̍͊̑̐͆͝͠,̷̛̬͚͕̙͕̓̆̎͛̈́̚͝ ̵̡̢̩̲͈̜͉̹͈̱͚͛͆̚͝͝f̵͙̣͉̮͎͉͂̎̆̅̀̔̉̍͘l̴̥͉̩͔͖͚̱̟̻͎͕̬̇̽͗̃̿̐̒̒̊̍͆̑͆͝ơ̸̟͂̑̆̈̆̊͆̈̌̒̊̚ḁ̸̲̙̓́͆̓̉̈́͘t̶̢͖̖͈̗̘̻̬͕̯̯̝̑̃̋,̵̟̬͇̫̹̹͚̙̹̪̳̖̬̱̘͂͛̔̾̃̒̅̑͑͋̏̈͝ ̶̧̧͍̖͕̰̣͖̲̼̩̜̤͓̽̉̽̑̌́̿͝͝f̴̰̟̘͎̬̝͎͍͍̝̯̞͖͙̄ļ̸̫͔̼̞͂̄͊̊̚͜͠ͅŏ̶̻̘̪̯͉͚̼̣̥͖͙͉̘̠͂̇̄̄̓̍̕ȧ̸̲͙̗̲͕͌̉͘ͅt̸̢̧̬̤͉͓͓͇̱̞̲̙̎̑,̸̲̻̹̦͓͑̈́̃̃͐͜ ̴̧̦̗̺̻̲̥̩̦̙̱͖̝̓͋̈͐̒̾͆̌̈̊̚͜͝͝ͅf̶̢̹̖̙̞͙̟̭͙̣̔̋̑̇͠l̶̬̱͉̥͙̥̲̳̿ǫ̶̛̹̹̘̟̤͋̾̈́͗͋̓ầ̶̧̛̻͙͎̿͒̒͗̉̐̊̂̔͂̔͘t̸̰̞͕̟̠̍́͌̈̎̃͆̈́͌͘ͅ,̵̮̱̭͖͕̰͈̺̦̳͎̠̮̲͌͛̃̔̍͐͌̾̈́ ̴̡͍̾̐̂̉f̶̨̛͇͔͍̤̱̾̽̊̂̃̀̈́͊̈́̓͊́l̶̛̲͉̹̯̬͑͗o̵͉̗͇̝͇̰͌́̅̒͑̆a̵͕̥̹̼̩̣̰͈̾̓̾͛̔͐̔̿̑̄̐̇͘͝͠t̴̢̗͉͇̮͚̤̫̣̦͔̺̙̣̮͆̎̍̊͑͑̂͋̌͂̕͝͝,̸̡̼̖̳͆͑̏ͅ ̸̢͍̩̦̹͍̖̾͆̄̒̄̾́̍̕͠ͅͅf̸̲̜̳̜͕͉̞̺̭̾͆̐l̴̼̲̮̥̲͈̟̂̂̅̔͗̂͊̄̚̕ǫ̶̩̤̻̘̤͇̣̺̓͗͆̃̈â̷͖̫̲̈̾̉͌̅̽̑͝t̴̢̖̺̝̝̱̱̭̭̆̈̾͑͜͜,̷̧̢̻͔̻̠͖͖̠͖͔͚̱̺͖͆͆̀͗́͘ ̶̢̜̙͎͔͍̅̂͘ͅf̸̨̡̥̩̤͎̻͕̬̓̽̆̂͌̉̆͒͘ͅl̷̨̨̰̪̳̩̹̦͑͌̅̃̂̀̏̒̔͝ợ̶̛̯̲̳̘͌̔̑̽̐͗͒̋̄̿͝͠a̷̖͚̝̭͑̆̿̽̓ṫ̷̪̈͗̉̒͒̒̆͝,̵̮̥̼̘͈̫͉̈̈́͌̒͘͝” The antichrist chanted in a demonic voice as it rose higher into the air.

Crow frowned. “Is it just chanting ‘float’?” he asked, not reading the seriousness of the room.  
“Well can you do anything about it?!” Juno yelled at Azrael, ignoring Crow.  
“No,” Azrael said, stood frozen in place, barely moving a muscle. “If 't be true t truly doest has't all of t's pow'rs, t can killeth us all in an instant. I-i bethink not I’d beest able to receiveth closeth enow to receiveth the chains backeth on,” ze said in despair.  
By this point, the antichrist had reached the top of The Pit, where the only entrance and exit to Hell was. Its chanting became louder and more demonic the higher it went. Then, in a bright burst of flames, the antichrist exited Hell.  
Juno, Crow, and Azrael all stood in complete silence for a full minute, just staring up at where the antichrist had left before Crow spoke up. “Well, I guess this means you’ll be sticking around longer,” he said cheerfully. “We have time to fix your grammar!” he said, clapping his hands together as Juno and Azrael stared up in despair.


	2. Demons Lose Their Horn Privileges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crow, Juno and Azrael do a reverse UFO crash

“Follow the antichrist!” Azrael shouted in panic.  
“How?!” Juno yelled back, tugged on her red hair. “It flew through a magical fuckin’ portal in the damn ceiling! How do you expect us to get up there!? Crow and I don’t have wings! We can’t fly!” Juno replied, nearly hyperventilating.  
“You have wings.” Crow pointed out, gesturing to Azrael’s many wings. “You have a lot of wings.”  
Azrael did, in fact, have many wings. Eight to be exact. Ze could very easily carry both of the demons out of Hell with zir. Ze also had many arms. Enough arms to carry at least ten demons.  
Azrael stood there for a moment, moving their many pairs of arms around and gesturing at nothing in particular.  
“Come on!” Juno shouted, startling zir out of zir stupor. “The longer we wait the further it gets!”  
Azrael gave the two demons a jerky nod before jolting forward and wrapping some of their arms around them. “Hold on,” ze suggested.  
Crow wrapped his arms around Azrael’s neck and Juno braced herself, holding the angel’s arm tightly, he claws most likely leaving marks. “Sorry about the claws,” she muttered, not looking apologetic at all.  
Azrael didn’t say anything, instead, spreading their wings and launching them into the hot air. As they hovered over the deep pit below them, the souls began to scream loudly again. Azrael covered both of the demon’s ears with another pair of their arms. “You know,” Crow yelled over the demented screaming as they rose higher towards the top of the pit, “you’re probably really good at multitasking!”  
“I am! all angels art most wondrous at multitasking” Azrael responded, somehow hearing Crow over the screaming.  
“How many genitals do you have?!” Juno called up at the angel.  
Azrael hesitated for a moment before answering. “T depends!” a large blush covered zir eye-covered face. “I can alt'r mine own form howev'r I wanteth.”  
Crow raised his eyebrows up at the angel’s blushing face. “Really? Could you look human if you wanted to?”  
“... I supposeth if 't be true I very much did want to”  
As they flew higher and higher to the entrance of The Pit it got very bright. Juno hissed and Azrael proceeded to cover the demon’s eyes with yet another pair of arms. “Why is it so fucking bright?!” Juno growled, pressing her face into Azrael’s palm.  
“T's v'ry dark in hell,” Azrael stated. “T's v'ry bright on the surface.”  
“It’s not that dark,” Crow protested, muffled by Azrael’s hand.  
“It is,” Azrael insisted. “Thou art just hath used to the darkness.”  
Crow made a small noise but agreed. “I guess that makes sense.”  
“Brace thy selves,” Azrael said, speeding up towards the bright light.  
Finally, the trio emerged from the pit and shot up into the open air. Juno let out a loud scream as suddenly everything was very bright and blue. Crow curiously peered through a gap between Azrael’s fingers at the vast blueness. “What is that?!” he shouted over the wind.  
“The human’s sky,” ze said, hovering for a moment before swerving down. This made Juno scream even louder, her claws no doubt piercing the angel’s flesh.  
After a few minutes flying and screaming, Azrael landed in a large field. Unfortunately for the field, a large crater was left behind where they landed. Azrael stepped out of the crater and set the demons down. Juno crumpled on the ground and curled up in a ball. Crow stumbled and stared up at the blue sky in a stupor. “It’s beautiful,” he uttered under his breath.  
“It’s bright!” Juno hissed, still curled up in her ball, but peeking out at Crow, her golden eyes fully dilated.  
“Oh!” Azrael said, peering down at Juno’s golden eyes. “Yond reminds me.”  
Crow looked over at the angel curiously, shielding his heterochromatic eyes. “Reminds you?”  
Azrael gestured down to zir body. “If 't be true a human sees me in this f'rm their eyes shall burneth out.”  
Distracted, Juno looked up at Azrael. “Really? Like it’ll actually burn their eyes out?!”  
“Yes,” Azrael confirmed. “I'll has't to changeth mine own f'rm.”  
“Let me turn around first,” Juno grumbled, rolling onto her other side. Crow reluctantly turned around as well.  
As soon as their backs were turned a bright light erupted from behind them. Crow was very happy that he turned around, much preferring to keep his eyesight.  
“You can turn around now,” the voice was familiar but unfamiliar at the same time. It was kind of hard to describe. It sounded female, but male at the same time. Androgynous, Crow decided on. The word to describe the angel was androgynous. Ze had pale skin, but instead of covered by eyes, it was covered by many tattooed eyes. Zir hair, which ze now had, was a brilliant white and went down to zir neck and almost entirely covered zir face. Speaking of faces, Azrael now had facial features. Ze had two normal blue eyes (excluding the many eye tattoos that also covered zir face) where normal eyes usually sat. Ze had a nose, which had two black earrings studded on the right side. Below that, they had a normal mouth with thin lips and yet another earring. Ze was neither fat nor thin, nor tall or fat. They wore a black leather jacket with some obscure band t-shirt beneath it. They wore a pair of black skinny jeans which were covered in chains and fashionable rips. Ze reached out zir hand, which had black fingerless gloves. “I think I pass well,” Azrael said, nodding down at zir body. “Though, I’m not sure I’ve met any humans called Azrael.” ze nodded to zirself. “Call me Rae.”  
Crow numbly took zir gloved hand and shook it. “I like it.”  
“Thank you,” Azrael said, letting go of Crow’s hand in favour of shyly fixing zir shirt. “I worked hard on it.”  
“I like it too,” Juno, who was now facing them again, smirked. “Very early 2000’s.”  
“W-Well, I like it.” ze stuttered, seeming much less godly and intimidating now that ze looked human.  
“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Crow suddenly yelled, clapping his hands together excitedly.  
“What?” Juno frowned at her companion.  
“Rae,” he said, pointing at the angel. “Say something!”  
“Like what?” ze asked curiously.  
Crow started to jump up and down excitedly. “Your accent is gone!” he cheered. “I can understand you now!”  
Azrael frowned, looking around as though he could find zir missing accent. “It is?” ze asked confused. “I can’t tell.”  
Juno smiled and stepped closer to Azrael. “It is gone,” she confirmed. “You aren’t speaking like an old man anymore.”  
“Oh!” Azrael exclaimed. “I remember you speaking about that when we met.” ze paused. “Is it a good thing that it’s gone?”  
Juno shrugged, circling the angel. “Well, it is easier to understand what you’re saying now.” she stopped in front of zir. “Though,” she added, “It was kind of growing on me.”  
Azrael’s pale blue eyes trailed up Juno’s head. “Oh,” ze said, frowning.  
“What?” Juno asked, her eyebrows furrowed.  
“You guys still have horns,” ze pointed out, gesturing to Juno and Crow’s horns. Azrael’s frown deepened as ze looked back at Juno’s eyes. “I can explain away Crow’s eyes, but I can’t do that with yours.”  
Juno shrugged, running her hands over her ram horns. “I’ll just say they’re eye contacts. That’s a thing here, right?”  
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure humans have eye contacts,” Crow spoke up. “I’ve seen some before.” He had. Sometimes when humans fell into The Pit, their bodies stuck with them. Crow had a small collection of eye contacts (as well as a few eyes) in a hole somewhere.   
“Yes, that’s all well and good, but what about the horns?” Juno said, raising her arms and pointing at the sides of her head.  
“Can you…” Azrael began. “Can demons alter their forms?”  
A thoughtful look crossed Crow’s face. “I’m not sure…” he said. “I’ve never tried to.”  
“How would you alter your body?” Juno asked, looking at Azrael’s human form. “Do you… do you just think about it and it happens, or do you have to do something special?”  
Azrael frowned. “I’ve never thought about it. It usually just happens when I want it to…”  
“Well…” Crow said, a smile growing on his face. “If it doesn’t work we could just shave our horns down.”  
“What?!” Juno growled, looking up at Crow.  
“What?” Crow asked.  
“If I shaved my horns there would be two spots on the side of my head where they were!” she said, once again pointing to her horns.  
“Well, if you hadn’t shaved the side of your head you’d be able to cover the spots with your hair,” Crow responded snarkily.  
Juno muttered something at Crow before turning back to Azrael. “Rae, I’m going to try the shapeshift-thingy.”  
“Uh, well good luck,” ze said. “I’m not sure if it’ll work, though.”  
Juno then stepped back from Azrael and Crow and scrunched up her face. She clenched her fists and got into a wide stance. After a full minute of this and nothing happening, Crow began to laugh. “Y-You look like you’re trying to take a shit!” he cackled, wrapping his arm around Azrael’s shoulders for support, seemingly forgetting the whole ‘thou art holier than thou’ stuff.  
“Did anything happen?” Juno asked.  
Azrael looked her up and down. “No,” ze said.  
“Shaving it is!” Crow exclaimed, causing Juno to groan.  
“And how do you expect to do that?” Juno said, placing her hands on her hips. “I don’t see any knives laying around,” she said, raising her arms and gesturing around the tall field they had landed in,  
“I have that covered,” Azrael said ominously.  
“What- Holy shit!” Crow gasped as Azrael reached into the front pocket of zir skinny jeans and pulled out a long-ass sword.  
“Kneel down,” ze said, holding the sword high above zir head, zir angelic voice booming and their two eyes glowing a brilliant white.  
Juno placed her arm protectively in front of Crow and backed up a bit. “Promise you won’t smite us?” she asked, her eyes wide and staring up at the holy sword in the angel’s hands.  
Azrael’s pale eyebrows furrowed, and the sword lowered a tiny bit. “... why would I smite you?” and suddenly all of the angelic grace left zir body. “I just need to cut your horns.”  
“Sorry,” Juno apologised, though they still stood back a bit. “Force of habit.”  
“Are you going to let me cut your horns?” ze asked. “I’d let you do it yourselves, but this is a holy sword and it might hurt you if you touch it.” ze thought for a moment. “Also,” ze added, “you might accidentally miss and cut yourselves, thus erasing yourselves from the living world.”  
“Wouldn’t want that,” Crow said cheerfully, moving away from Juno’s protective stance and in front of the angel. He got down and kneeled before Azrael, bowing his head and displaying his horns. Azrael lowered the sword down to the base of his longhorns.  
“Wait,” Juno said, cautiously worried for her friend. “Will it hurt?”  
“Probably not,” Azrael said, rather unhelpfully.  
“Do it, do it, do it!” Crow began to chirp enthusiastically.  
“Alright,” the sword rested on the right pair, as close to the head as ze dared. “Let me know if it hurts,” he said. “I’ll stop immediately.”  
“Mmmhm,” Crow hummed below zir.  
There was a second of tense silence before Azrael began to saw down on the horn. “Does it hurt?” Juno asked, who was anxiously pacing around her friend.  
“No,” came the black-haired demon's reply. “Just feels weird.”  
“A bad kind of weird?” Juno continued pacing.  
“No, not really,” Crow said reassuringly.  
After a few minutes of diligent sawing, the horn fell to the grassy ground. “Hey,” Crow said, looking down at the horn. “Do you think horns grow back?” he asked, a slightly worried tinge in his voice.  
“Probably,” Juno said, cringing down at the horn. “Probably,” she repeated, sounding as though she were trying to reassure herself.  
Azrael moved the sword to the left horn. “Are you sure you want me to finish?”  
“Well, there’s only one left,” Juno said. “He’d look pretty stupid with only one horn, Crow.”  
“I think I’d look pretty badass!” Crow smiled. Azrael began to saw down the left horn. “Hey, Rae,” Crow said.  
“Hmm?” Azrael hummed, continuing to saw on the horn.  
“Can I call you Azzie?”  
Azrael paused for a moment before continuing to saw again. “Sure,” ze said. “You can call me whatever you want.”  
Not long after ze said that the last horn fell to the ground. Crow sat up and ran his hand through his curly, horn-less, hair. “How do I look?”  
Azrael smiled, looking down at zir handiwork. “You look pretty good!” ze walked around the demon, looking him up and down. “Aside from the red-eye and the sharp teeth you look completely human.”  
“You’re not going to shave down our teeth too,” Juno said.  
Azrael nodded placidly. “I won’t do anything you don’t agree with.”  
“Your turn!” Crow smiled at Juno, standing up and moving aside.  
“Sit here,” Azrael said, gesturing down at the spot Crow had just left.  
Juno muttered something under her breath before kneeling down before the angel. “You know,” she said. “I’m very tempted to make a sex joke now.”  
The angel ignored her and carefully moved zir sword to the base of the ram horns which sat just behind Juno’s ear. “Let me know if you want me to stop,” ze advised.  
Juno gently shook her head. “Just do it,” she grumbled.  
Azrael promptly began to saw down on the horn. “Are you going to get in trouble for hanging around us?” she asked.  
“Hmm?” ze hummed, focused on the horn. “Oh, well, I’m not sure,” Ze said, lost in thought. “No one I’ve ever known has done it.”  
Juno makes an uncertain grunt below him. “Are you almost done?” she asked, agitatedly.  
“Nearly,” came Azrael’s reply.  
“What are we going to do when we find the antichrist?” Crow asked, watching as Juno’s left horn fell to the ground.  
“Probably kill it,” the angel said distractedly.  
“The real question you should be asking is how we’re going to find it,” Juno said, glancing mournfully at her horn.  
Juno’s right horn fell to the ground and Azrael paused. “I-I’m not sure…”  
Crow’s face scrunched up. “You’re not sure…” he said.  
“Well, this is just great!” Juno exclaimed, getting onto her feet. “We are stranded in the middle of a field and we have no clue where the bloody antichrist is!” she shouted loudly, her voice ringing through the empty field.  
Azrael stood straighter and held zir hands out in front of zir as if to calm the she-demon. “I-It’s fine!” ze tried to reassure them, but the stutter in zir voice didn’t help much. “T-The antichrist will leave a trail of destruction everywhere it goes!”  
“Okay,” Crow nodded to himself. “So we just gotta follow the obvious signs of an antichrist,” he said cheerfully, trying to lighten up the mood. “Uh… what are the telltale signs of the antichrist?”  
“Hmm… let me think,” Azrael said. “Uh, there’s blood rain… the ocean boiling… animals going feral… weird clouds… some humans might spontaneously combust- oh! More angels might come down here to try and search for it too, so we could try and follow them.”  
“Wait, wait, wait,” Juno said. “More angels? Coming here?” she groaned. “We are so dead.”  
“We might be able to convince them that we were sent up here to look for the antichrist as well… I mean, we technically were sent up here by Satan himself, so…”  
Crow looked up from the blade of grass he was playing with. “Lord Satan and the angels aren’t very friendly, correct?”  
Azrael nodded.  
“But you are?”  
Azrael opened zir mouth to respond. “Y-”  
“-Yes, but their a ‘neutral party’” Juno butted in, mocking Azrael.  
“Yes,” Azrael agreed. “A neutral party.”  
“Alright,” Juno said, stalking over to the black-haired demon and pulling him up from the ground. “The longer we sit around and talk, the further the antichrist gets. We should get going.”  
Azrael frowned, clasping zir hands together nervously. “Yes, but we have no clue where the antichrist is. We have to wait for a sign.” Right as Azrael finished zir sentence, a giant flaming rock fell from the sky and crashed to the ground just a few yards north of them.  
“Hey,” Crow said, way too cheerfully. “That could be a sign!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have no clue why you're still reading this


	3. Character Designs!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here are some drawings I did of Juno and Crow :) all of the art posted here is mine. I wasn’t sure how to add the images to ao3 without making them absurdly big, so I just used links. Please feel free to give constructive criticism in the comments if you want. Have a nice day/night!

Juno: https://i.redd.it/avvzpot9ts361.jpg

Crow: https://i.redd.it/wbzt9zdvts361.jpg

Thank you for taking the time to look at these :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment. I don't care if it's a good comment or a bad comment, I just want comments.


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